The last few days have been a struggle for me to keep from overeating. I think I am in that mind-set of “oh well, it is the holiday season, enjoy yourself”. That is one voice in my head and then there is the other voice begging me to restrain myself so that I can fit into all those clothes that still await my losing more pounds and inches.
At lunch today, I did not order a baked potato like I wanted to, but instead settled for the rice that came with the meal and the broccoli – AND – I did not finish my meal, but chose to take half of it home. That was a struggle because I could have easily eaten the whole plate full of food. I practically had to sit on my hands to refrain from eating it all in one fell swoop. I was full though and I was determined to listen to that full feeling.
Tonight I wanted popcorn – the regular kind that you make on the stove and smother with butter and salt. I convinced myself that I really did not want to clean up the heavy pot and the big bowl and therefore talked myself into having a 100-calorie bag of microwave popcorn. Just not the same. Again, it was a struggle.
When will it be easy to make these hard decisions? When will I not even think about it? When will food be just fuel and not the high point of my day?
There are all kinds of excuses that overweight people give for overeating. I know because I fit the category. But…………..
On Thanksgiving my sister ended up in the Emergency room of a hospital two hours away from their home. It made me anxious. I had my turkey dinner before going to the hospital to relieve my grandniece who went to be the family advocate. Because I was anxious and worried I hardly remember anything that I ate. Yes, it was good, but I did not consciously eat it and savor it as I should. Instead, I just gobbled down the turkey (pun intended) and rushed out the door. This kind of eating leads to overeating and I fear I did overeat as the day progressed.
Today I did a lot of driving (long story I won’t go into) and although I enjoyed the company and enjoyed my day, I was extremely tired. Again I ate mindlessly, shoveling food into my mouth.
Anxious and tired leads to mindless eating which leads to overeating. That sums up the last two days for me.
Tomorrow I will be home all day with absolutely no obligations. Tomorrow I will begin again to eat with my brain engaged.
Every time I go to the grocery store I pick up some frozen vegetables. I like the mixtures and look for ones with either broccoli or corn or zucchini or red peppers or onions.
Lately I have not prepared any vegetables except fresh produce – lettuce and broccoli. Yet I have continued to purchase frozen veggies.
Today I couldn’t decided what to have for supper and looked in the freezer. Oh dear – there are enough packages of frozen vegetables to last until Spring.
So what did I have for supper? Cereal.
The last two days have been busy which means that my eating was kind of messed up.
Monday morning I made soup for some friends that were coming for supper. I had never made this soup before, so I kept tasting it as it simmered. When lunch time came, I wasn’t hungry because I had had too many tastes! Instead of a normal lunch, I snacked on celery stuffed with peanut butter and some leftover popcorn.
We had the soup for supper and it was very good. Then we went to another friend’s house and ended the evening with pie a la mode – however – both the pie and the ice cream were “no sugar added”.
Today I worked at church and came home very tired. I snacked again on leftover popcorn and when it was time for supper I, once again, was not terribly hungry. I fixed a small salad. Before you start to congratulate me on my restraint I must add that in spite of being quite full and satisfied, I managed to find room in my mind, heart and stomach for one oatmeal cookie.
Oatmeal is good for you, right?
Today was the Hanging of the Greens at church and a potluck dinner. Oh how I love potluck dinners at church. There is so much good food to try – an abundance of delicious tastes.
When you get in line at the serving table, you cannot see to the opposite end and therefore do not know what is ahead. I wanted to save room on my plate for tasting as many dishes as I could, so I only put one small spoonful of the dishes that looked good to me. I was therefore surprised (and disappointed) when I got to the end of the table and didn’t have that much on my plate.
Then there is the dessert table. It was laden with chocolate cakes, brownies, pies, and cookies. As the people around me went to the dessert table and returned with two or three yummy looking items, I thought to myself, “You really, really do not need any desserts.” So I sat at my place and did not move. I wanted a dessert (or two), but made a bargain with myself that if I skipped the dessert I could have popcorn (with butter) for supper. Such a deal.
I’m glad I made that bargain because the popcorn tasted wonderful. If I have to make a choice, popcorn (or peanut butter) will always win.
YES – I walked on the treadmill today. Not for long, but at least I know it works and is available and ready for me to use.
It was a busy day for me and I got in more steps than usual just because I was running around, in and out of stores, up and down my stairs, and back and forth in my home getting things done. I’m worn out, but feeling proud that I was energetic all day long.
This morning I had a good breakfast (7:00am) and when I was finished I was very full. I decided that since I was so full, I would not have lunch, but instead have an early dinner thus having only two meals for the day. Less calories. That was the plan.
Guess what happened. At noon my tummy was screaming, “feed me”. The big breakfast did not last as long as I had hoped it would. I gave in and had a light lunch – one slice of cheese pizza.
Tonight there was nothing on TV that I wanted to watch so I chose the Food Channel where they were broadcasting a series of Thanksgiving meal shows. Oh my, the food looked so good I was drooling. I finally decided that I better change channels, so now I’m watching QVC and drooling over Dooney & Bourke handbags.
Even though I have only lost a small amount of weight (in the scheme of what I need to lose), it has helped my self-confidence. I noticed it the other day when pictures were being taken of me and two of my cousins. I usually try to hide behind someone, pull my chin up, and plaster a grimace on my face – all very unnatural. This time I stood up straight, smiled with my whole being (I was enjoying the visit immensely), and the picture came out pretty good.
Every time I look at a picture of myself I see this enormous ugly old woman. This time she was gone. In her place was a pleasant looking woman who seemed genuinely happy. I call this progress. I really like being confident.
I don’t think I have lost any weight lately and might have even gained some weight. Why? I have had some cookies and some extra helpings of popcorn. Why? Because it was there and it tasted good. I’m still doing fairly well on stopping eating when I am full – at meals. It is the snacking that needs to be addressed.
Today my treadmill got fixed, so no more excuses in that department. I went downstairs to try it out and instead got engrossed in a sewing project. When I finished the project, I headed to the treadmill to give myself some walking time and the phone rang. The call lasted almost an hour and then it was time to head upstairs for my bedtime routine.
Tomorrow – I promise. Really. I mean it. Absolutely.
Exercise and walking are not activities I choose to do on any regular basis. I enjoy the results and I enjoy how good I feel afterwards, so why don’t I get up off my chair and move more?
Today I had some cousins visiting and I suggested we walk uptown for lunch. It was an easy walk, the weather was cool but pleasant, and it was enjoyable looking at the houses along the way. Of course I had company and good conversation to occupy my mind.
So why don’t I walk uptown more often? It feels good, I enjoy it, and it is good for me. What is the problem?
Could I have agoraphobia? I thoroughly enjoy walking when I am with someone, but going outside to walk when I am by myself brings out all the ridiculous excuses I can possibly invent:
1. Too hot.
2. Too cold.
3. Too sunny.
4. I might be far from home and have to use the facilities.
5. I might fall or twist my leg and not be able to get home.
6. It might start to rain.
7. I might not be dressed warmly enough, or lightly enough, depending on the time of year.
8. If I decided to walk to the grocery, I would have to carry the bags home or use a cart and I don’t want to drag anything with me.
9. If I decided to walk to have lunch, I would have to bring a book or my Kindle along and then I would worry that the restaurants would be crowded and there would be no table for me and I would have to take the meal home and so I might as well eat at home.
10. I need to stay home and spend my time thinking up excuses.
See – it all makes perfect sense.
(OK, I will try to fit in a short walk tomorrow and leave the excuses at home.)
Tonight I finished knitting the scarf to go with my very first knitted sweater. Now I have a complete ensemble for a very cold day.
Yesterday I listed my food triggers. Today I am going to list the times when I definitely do not think about food or eating.
1. When I am sleeping.
2. When I am in the shower.
3. When I am doing creative writing.
4. When I am creating Artist’s Trading Cards.
5. When I am in church on Sunday.
6. When I am shopping for clothes.
7. When I am enjoying a concert or play or musical.
8. When I am playing the piano.
9. When I am reading my favorite blogs.
10. When I am working on a jigsaw puzzle – after I had a bowl of popcorn to get me started.
On Tuesdays I do my volunteer job at church. I bring my lunch. I noticed today that when things were going along well without any problems, I had no idea what time it was and I was not hungry. But as soon as I encountered a problem that required me to do some figuring out, I then glanced at the clock, saw that it was after 12:30pm, and decided I was very hungry and had to take a bite of my sandwich. Had things gone smoothly I might have lasted much longer before being aware of hunger. Interesting.